When Is Neurodiversity an Excuse for Rudeness?

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Socially Awkward, or Obstinate?

Hmm. This videographer sounds like a handful, and that’s putting it mildly. And though I have lots of empathy for people who are socially awkward — whether on the spectrum or not — neurodivergence is never an excuse for repeated rude or bad behavior. In fact, this seems less of an issue of emotional intelligence or personality diversity than just plain obnoxiousness, obstinance and entitlement. (Although: One thing to consider is what exactly makes you think that someone being on the autism spectrum doesn’t represent, as you put in quotes, diversity. Or that diversity issues aren’t a reason for someone to be protected in their job.)

But here’s the thing: This guy is obviously a lost cause, which is to say that this has reached a point where his managers need to intervene and rectify this situation … and NOT just by having him take classes in emotional intelligence. That’s kicking the can down the road.

You say that a person at a remote site told him to leave and never come back. Another employee — and at the executive level, no less! — has been made well aware of his incompetence. And yet … and yet. Nothing?

You also say that you’ve brought this employee’s behavioral issues to the attention of his manager and a departmental manager. They’ve even been privy to his assertions that “interpersonal skills are a waste of time.” (?!) So why aren’t they intervening?

I don’t have a good answer to this question, and neither do you. I have to think that his managers are covering for him for some reason — a reason you and I will probably never understand — and so I’d suggest that, if you haven’t already, begin documenting and making a list of the many instances of his obnoxious behavior AND their effect on other employees. (This last bit is crucial.) Then send this list to your manager and his/her manager as well. And if THAT doesn’t work? Get HR involved. It’s important that you make it clear to everyone you approach that this is not because of a personal dislike of your colleague but concern about his behavior’s effect on the others around him … not to mention the actual quality of his work.