Trash Talk at Work? Uncool in Any Language.

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A Failure to Communicate

This feels a little like an “A-story” in an NBC sitcom. (I’d call the episode “Mind Your P’s and Q’s.”) In fact, when I ran your question by my editor, his response was: “Love in-office fighting!” I love it as well … when I’m not the subject of it, of course. But I will dispense with the amusement because the reality is this isn’t a situation comedy but a situation — awkward! — and one I’m interested in tackling.

First things first: Parking. You may think it’s not a big deal, but it’s an issue for a fair number of us, and not just in the context of the workplace. (I live in Los Angeles.) Of course, it’s possible, even likely, that the bad vibes that resulted from the parking fracas are evidence of a deeper conflict between your two colleagues. But sometimes a parking space is just a parking space.

A few observations and opinions.

No. 1: That Q understands Spanish heightens the stakes in this scenario, but it’s also secondary. The bigger issue is that P decided it was OK to trash talk a colleague in front of that colleague in the first place.

No. 2: See above. (I can’t stress enough how inappropriate this was.)

Here’s where you come in. You’re wondering whether you should tell P that Q understood what P had to say. I have a few questions for you: Do you worry that more tension will arise if you do tell? Or do you worry that P will continue to trash talk Q because P is unaware that Q understands Spanish? Or is it a little of both? Listen, in a perfect world, P would be horrified and embarrassed to know that Q understood everything. But then again, P felt comfortable enough to trash talk Q in front of Q in the first place. So maybe all bets are off.

I have another question: How close are you to these two? It sounds like you’re at a bit of a remove because you describe your socialization with P outside of work as being “occasional.” This complicates things, because it may appear (to P) that you’re picking sides in a matter that is actually outside your scope. That said, it couldn’t hurt to give P a quiet heads-up about Q’s literacy in Spanish. You could say something like, “I just wanted you to know that I think Q’s feelings were hurt the other day (week, month, year) when you complained about the parking situation. Q understands Spanish, you know.”