Must I Share My Story?

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Camera Shy

I want to start off by acknowledging that this sounds incredibly awkward and uncomfortable — but that it’s not your responsibility to explain anything about your appearance to anyone you come in contact with. It just isn’t. That said, I’m optimistic about the sensitivity of your colleagues — even new ones — to your situation and believe that most of them are or will be smart or intuitive enough to understand that the presence of a hat or a cap on your head (with no hair visible) suggests that you’re going through some health treatments, specifically chemotherapy.

My advice is that you keep your condition to yourself unless someone asks you directly, in which case you may want to share more detailed information about your situation in a more “offline” environment. I don’t say this because I believe that a cancer diagnosis is something to be ashamed of (nor are the side effects of chemotherapy). And I don’t say this because I’m dismissive of your discomfort. I say this because I believe that you run the risk of feeling even more awkwardness and discomfort by starting off video calls by explaining your cancer diagnosis. Because though people may understand the broad outlines of what is going on, their reactions to this information, or lack thereof, may disappoint you in ways that you can’t even imagine. What if your disclosure is met with uncomfortable silence? What if someone communicates sympathy in a way that feels inauthentic? You may feel even more awkward and unsure of yourself, which is the last thing you need when you’re juggling what sounds like a demanding (though much-wanted) new job and treatment for cancer. It’s a lot for anyone to handle. (And you’re in a new country, to boot!) Focus on you, not on what people may think or feel, and you’ll be golden.

Good luck.

A Manager Who Can’t Manage