Fashion
My Toddler Son Likes to Wear Dresses. Can He Wear One to My Sister’s Wedding?
A mother wants to respect her 2½-year-old’s preference for dressing like his older sister, but she worries that letting him do so would bother the bridal couple.
My son is 2½ years old. He loves to wear dresses and twirly skirts like his big sister. If my daughter walks out the door in a dress, he instantly wants to do the same. This is fine by me. The problem: My sister is getting married, and she and her fiancé are more conservative on this issue. (We’ve discussed it.) When the wedding day arrives, I suspect my son will throw a tantrum when he sees his sister in a new dress but is not allowed to wear one himself. Still, I know it would bother the bridal couple if we let him wear a dress, too. Should I honor my son and my own values or put him in pants?
MOM
Let’s be careful here: You do not seem to be saying that your son is experiencing any anxiety about his gender. He simply idolizes his older sister and likes to emulate her style. This is not unusual among toddlers. In fact, children begin to identify gender differences (and their own genders) only around your son’s age.So, I don’t see it as honoring him — or any other important value — to let him wear a dress to your sister’s wedding. You would only be indulging a toddler.
And there’s nothing wrong with that — usually. If I were the host of the wedding, I would welcome your son in his twirliest skirt. (I couldn’t care less!) But the bridal couple feels differently. And that’s the thing about the big days of other people: We are not the main characters. So, if your son can’t attend the wedding without pulling focus or being disruptive, he shouldn’t go.
As the mother of a toddler, you are probably no stranger to tantrums. So, use your judgment: Dress your son in pants and build in time for him to melt down and recover. (That would be my choice.) Or call your sister to discuss his wardrobe — but leave the decision to her. And just to be clear: This advice would not apply to children who feel true discomfort at the mismatch of their assigned sex and gender identity. That is a different question for another day.
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