My Parents Are Cash-Strapped. Why Won’t They Sell Some of Their Land?

Growing up, my family’s financial situation was rough, but my siblings and I have done well as adults. Our parents scrape by. My sister once gave them several thousand dollars to pay bills, and I try to be generous with meals, groceries and vacations. I feel guilty about not planning another vacation with them — which they would love — because of my work and family commitments. I have a child with special needs, and when I indulge in luxuries, I feel as if I’m compromising my child’s future. The issue: I just discovered that my parents own some valuable land. They could sell it and finance a comfortable life for themselves, but they want to hang onto it and leave it to us. I would rather they spend their own money — not ours — and leave us nothing. Thoughts?

DAUGHTER

I think many readers will identify with aspects of your story: the pride and pleasure we can feel, as adults, when we are finally able to reciprocate our parents’ generosity. (I still remember, 30 years later, what my mother and I ordered the first time I took her to a nice restaurant!) But we can also feel guilty when we don’t have time enough, or money enough, to do everything we wish we could do for them.

Here’s the thing: Your parents are not children. They were managing their resources before you were born. So, talk to them! Tell them about the constraints that are stopping you from taking them on another vacation. I would be surprised if they didn’t understand. And the conversation may alleviate your guilt.

It’s also important to recognize, though, that you and your siblings — and your parents, too — are each free to make your own choices. Your sister may like giving money to your parents, for instance. You don’t get to control that — nor do you get to decide what your parents do with the land they own. Personally, I would try to initiate a conversation with the whole family about these issues, but some people are resistant to that idea. So, at the very least, have your own conversation with your parents. It may help.

When a Dog’s Leash Is More Like a Fuse

I have a leash-reactive dog. He goes bananas when he’s on a leash and sees another dog. It’s a common behavioral issue. Still, I take pains to avoid other dogs when I walk him, and I’m working hard to train away this behavior. Sometimes, when we do meet another dog and mine barks like crazy, the other dog owner yells at me and my dog. What can I say to let them know they should mind their own business and that I’m working on it?