Talking Honestly About Feelings of Regret

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To the Editor:

Re “Grappling With Regret as a New Parent,” by Miguel Macias (Opinion guest essay, “How to Live With Regret” series, Aug. 11):

Over the years, the prospect of having children has been a notion fraught with anxiety and fear for me, and a subject discussed at length with my ever-patient and understanding husband.

After leaving my nursing career of 10 years, one that compounded past trauma and enabled poor coping skills, I am finally comfortable with the thought of having kids. While I take the responsibility of childbearing seriously, I no longer feel consumed with anticipatory anxiety and regret. I applaud the author’s transparency and honesty.

Societally, regret appears to be a shameful feeling, a taboo not to be discussed openly for fear of projecting ingratitude. Mr. Macias’s openness proves that regret and fulfillment, although incongruous, can coexist in the human condition.

Jackie O’Halloran-Carrillo
Boston

To the Editor:

I regret reading Miguel Macias’s essay about his own regret of being a father to an 18-month-old. As a 44-year-old father of three young kids, I have no patience for his self-pity about his loss of personal time and freedom that every parent in the history of civilization has experienced.

His assertion about parents that “we are supposed to love it, to think it is the most wonderful thing we have ever experienced” is simply untrue. While joyous, being a parent is also harrowing because kids are challenging. Each day is emotionally draining, and our time to recover at night is often interrupted.

But our job as parents is to raise happy, kind adults — not enjoy every single moment of the relationship. Rather than moan about your own lost dreams, open up “Goodnight Moon” and make your daughter’s that much sweeter.

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